Obituary of Arleen Wolsiefer Probeyahn

    Arleen Wolsiefer Probeyahn, an advocate for people with disabilities who had three autistic sons, passed away on October 19th. Her husband of fifty years, Roy Probeyahn, said the cause of her death was heart failure.

    Probeyahn was born in Queens and raised in Merrick, Long Island. She met her husband at Wellington C. Mepham High School in North Bellmore, where both were students, and the two were married in Merrick in 1961. The three Probeyahn sons – Roy, Jr., Michael, & Glenn – are now in their 40s.

    Roy Probeyahn said of his wife, “Arleen was a fierce advocate for them and other children and adults with similar disabilities her entire adult life. Her passing marks the end of an era of unprecedented improvement in the quality and quantity of services available for folks with intellectual and developmental disabilities.”

    A Celebration of Life Service was held on November 16^th at Independent Group Home Living, Inc. (IGHL) in Manorville, where the Probeyahns received services for their sons.

    Jane Hayes, service coordinator at IGHL, first met the family twenty years ago when she provided an In Home Respite Service in which she cared for the Probeyahn sons so the parents could have a night out.

    “She was quite an advocate for her sons. She fought for them every day. She wanted what was best for them like all parents do. Especially when you have disabled boys, you’ve got to work a little harder,” Hayes said.

    The Probeyahns raised their sons at home and eventually fought for and won 24-hour assistance as they became older. Arleen was known for being an out-of-the-box thinker who found humor in life’s challenges. In addition to advocating for people with intellectual disabilities, she also looked out for her sons’ caretakers.

    “She was a big advocate for staff also. She wanted them to be treated fairly. So it wasn’t just for her. She was a good lady,” Hayes said.

    Roy added, “Arleen held the professionals who educated and worked with her sons in the highest esteem and was ever their champion as well. Family and friends speak of her as a great lady with an indomitable spirit, a no nonsense attitude and joy for life. She had a take charge approach in getting things done and an irrepressible sense of humor through it all.”

    Probeyahn lived in Manorville when she passed away and has also lived in Selden and Merrick. She was laid to rest at Mount Pleasant Cemetery in Center Mariches.

    Arleen and Roy founded the company Roy Probeyahn, CBCO and worked together for 25 years. Roy said Arleen was the “Wind Beneath His Wings,” quoting a Bette Midler song.

    Hayes agreed. “You know Roy, he was the advocate in public and she kind of ran the show behind the scenes,” she said.

    When she wasn’t working or caretaking, Probeyahn was a good cook, an avid reader and an excellent shopper who loved thrift stores, Roy said. She also leaves behind her brother John Wolsiefer and her nephews and nieces.

    The family has asked for donations in lieu of flowers to be sent to The Arleen Foundation, 12 Par Drive, Manorville NY 11949. The funds will be distributed to nonprofit organizations that have served the Probeyahns’ sons: East End Disability Associates in Riverhead, IGHL Foundation in Manorville, FreePlayers in Old Bethpage, Suffolk County AHRC in Bohemia, DDI Foundation in Smithtown and IRIE Therapeutic Riding in Center Mariches. 

    This article was published in the January 2012 issue of Able News.